Taking Care of Yourself First is not Easy

Taking Care of Yourself First is not Easy

It took me a long time to learn that I had to take care of myself first, because I believed it was my job to take care of others. My value and worthiness were wrapped tightly around taking care of others. I noticed that if I took care of those around me by solving their challenges and minimizing their suffering I was needed and no one would abandon me. If I made everyone’s life easier and happier then I would be taken care of and safe.

After my parents divorced, my grandmother scowled at me with a stern voice and finger pointing, „You better be a good girl for your mother, so you don’t loose her too!” This got me thinking. Was I responsible for my father leaving? Being the oldest of three kids, only four years old, I believed I was now emotionally responsible for my mother’s happiness so she wouldn’t feel overwhelmed and leave us.
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As a highly sensitive child, I could pick up on people’s pains. I didn’t like feeling all this pain, so I tried making everything better. I would know what my mother needed before she did. I put myself on high alert for managing or preventing problems for my mother and my family.

I noticed that I got kudos for being the “good girl” and kept anticipating what would make everyone around me happy so I could feel safe, liked, loved and happy. But I rarely got to relax because my life was determined by whether everyone around me was taken care of and happy. I had to be ahead of everyone and if I wasn’t, I judged myself as not good enough and an underlying stress and fear response would run through my body.

I know many of you can relate to what I am sharing today. Our life movies have different characters, environments and results but our actions and emotions are similar.

We may have grown up with our parents telling us that we are too much, too demanding, too shy, too lazy etc., whatever they couldn’t handle or rejected in themselves. But as children we didn’t know that we were dealing with “their issues.” We just assumed we are not worthy and we are broken, otherwise this wouldn’t be happening.

So we cleverly come up with ways to fit in or take care of the people we need to help us grow up. We figure out how to get attention by rebelling against them or by conforming to meet their needs. Either way, we loose our needs and desires along the way.

When we repeatedly don’t get our needs met as a child, we make vows not to have needs and desires so we won’t feel the pain of not receiving what we ask for. We tell ourselves not to ask for help because it’s a sign of weakness. We make vows to never be like our parents or to be like them. We make up all sorts of beliefs about how we think the world is and who we think we are as a result of how we are treated by others. Most of it is not our truth! We have to find our way back to ourselves in adulthood.

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As healers, it is our job to heal our issues and traumas first and stand brightly in the world knowing we are worthy and good enough without doing a damn thing for anyone. We were born worthy. We were born good enough!

Once we live our life KNOWING that we are good enough, we will help heal humanity by our modeling, energy and love and our enthusiasm for life will be contagious! We will help many people step into their own power to take control of their lives and to know they are good enough and worthy of anything they desire.

I’m here to tell you that when you take care of yourSELF first  you will have greater impact, be happier, feel safer, create a more fulfilling and meaningful life, and know you’re worthy and good enough.

Read and manifest the below pointers.

Heal your inner child and serve your own needs and desires first to better help others.

Invest in your healing: it will create a life beyond your imagination. Find a coach, mentor or therapist who can guide you on this transformational journey.
Have compassion for the child you were that did what it had to do to survive: Be in awe of your courage and creativity as a child and let go of your shame, guilt and negative judgments.
Feel your deepest needs and desires: 
Make time to feel your desires and needs instead of stuffing them away.
Start asking for help and what you want and then be willing to receive it.

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