Stop Self-sabotaging your Relationships & Career

Stop Self-sabotaging your Relationships & Career

Do you have BIG desires but don’t seem to be able to make them come fully to life? Do you feel like you’ve been doing all the right things with little or no success? You get to a certain point and then you can’t get past it without sabotaging or going into fight, flight or freeze? Maybe you are not aware that you are doing it?

Jessica Polar

(Photo by Jessica Polar) Self-Sabotage is one of the main causes of Failure

Here are some examples of what I’m talking about:

  • You’re an artist and you won’t share your work (art, music, poetry, photography, book etc.) publicly because you don’t believe it’s good enough and you don’t want people judging you or you are afraid of great success and loosing control of your life & privacy. BUT deep inside you want to be recognized for the brilliant work you do and you want to awaken beauty, consciousness and feelings in others through your work. You know it is your calling and you can’t not do it. It’s killing you inside to not have the exposure, validation and fulfillment.
  • Your boss has offered you a promotion that terrifies you because it will require you to run a team and give presentations and you are very shy and self-conscious about being the center of attention and giving direction to others. BUT this is what you have been working so hard for. You’ll make more money, have more creative influences and opportunities to help the company be successful and it aligns with your purpose and success goals.
  • As an entrepreneur you find yourself hiding behind the computer and not out meeting people and sharing your services in person with people who could benefit from your services and support you. You are isolating yourself because you don’t feel confident about selling yourself so you keep procrastinating to do what you know you need to do to be successful. BUT the service you provide is your passion and purpose for being here on earth. There is nothing else you’d rather do. You know you are not here to do this alone.  Your success and living a meaningful life depends on you getting out into the world in a big way.
  • You’re looking for your life partner but feel insecure and don’t have the confidence that you can attract the partner you would like. You find it uncomfortable to go out and meet new people. It doesn’t feel safe and it feels hopeless because you keep attracting someone who drains and bores you. BUT this is your deepest desire to share your life with someone you love and who deeply cares for you. You can’t imagine not having this person in your life. You feel unfulfilled not sharing your life with someone.
Obstacles in Life can be overcome

Obstacles in Life can be overcome

All of these examples have something in common that keep you from having what you want; you can’t imagine yourself having what you desire more than not having it!

The reason you can’t imagine having what you want is because you are unconsciously focused on what you don’t’ want to experience rather than consciously feeling and seeing yourself having what you desire.

That’s right! To have what you REALLY desire you have to change your imagination of fearing it or doubting its possibility and instead make it a COMMITTED reality in your mind. So real that you can feel what its like to have it, live it, be successful at it and receive all the rewards that you anticipate from it until it has become your new reality.

What keeps us from being our brilliant, worthy, creative, and juicy selves is our belief that we are not brilliant, worthy, creative, and juicy.

To change your outcome and create your BIG desires you’ll have to change your image of yourself and your world, so you can be seen by those who would be your clients, customers, life partners, friends, peers, and bosses. And that means you have to start feeling vulnerable, uncomfortable and excited all at once.

I know none of us want to feel vulnerable. I surely didn’t which is why I hid and blended in as a child and later as an adult. I didn’t want to stand out because I was afraid and insecure. I didn’t want to be humiliated, criticized, taken advantage of, or judged as not good, smart, pretty, funny, sexy or worthy. No one wants to feel any of those feelings!

(Photo by Dahiana Candelo) Negative Self-Talk is what makes you feel not worthy

(Photo by Dahiana Candelo) Negative Self-Talk is what makes you feel not worthy

But here is the thing: others weren’t thinking bad things about me –  I was. I needed to get vulnerable with myself and see that I was the one pulling me out of circumstances and opportunities that I could have stood out in, created a new experience or made a difference. Being vulnerable meant being honest with how I felt about things and sharing those feelings rather than going along with what others thought I should be or do.  It meant giving myself permission to have a mind of my own, be empowered and make choices about the stuff that mattered to me, and go after what I desired boldly.

What really matters the most are the thoughts and feelings about ourselves that we focus most our day on. It determines our scope of opportunities and successes.

I highly recommend you read Brené Brown’s book “Daring Greatly.” You can check out some highlights in this TedBlog “5 Insights from Brene Brown

You should also watch her TedTalk “The Power of Vulnerability.” It’s an amazing talk (over 23 Million Views!) and I wouldn’t be surprised if this threw you a bit for a curveball. Brené Brown talks about a topic I touch on in my blogs very often. She talks about shame and the feeling of not being good enough.

You can work past your blocks of standing out, just try my Free Guided Tapping Session. If you need additional support or you have blocks that are deeper than what the video can help you with, reach out and work with someone that can help you move past those blocks so you can STAND OUT and be seen and heard because it is easier and faster to have someone guide and support you through this process. Don’t give up if you don’t make huge leaps over your road blocks right away. Brené Brown herself worked with a coach and it took her a year of self-work to move past her blocks. The important thing though is that she didn’t give up, she kept working on it and she moved past them and lives a full and fulfilled life.

I wouldn’t be who I am today or be experiencing the magical life I have if it weren’t for the help I received from my coaches and mentors.

To living your turned ON life

Marilyn

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