Hello and Happy 2014 from Lee Milteer
At what point do you say NO? I don’t do New Year’s resolutions but I did make a promise to myself to say NO more often this year so I will have the time and energy reserves to get the projects done I want to manifest for this year.
As a recovering World-Class Rescuer, I’ll tell you that I used to overbook myself and run myself into the ground trying to accommodate people to gain their approval. Once I was really clear about the fact that I had a hard time saying NO to people I liked I had to allow myself to stand in the discomfort and deal with the judgment–“she’s such a snob now”. But here’s the truth – I’m paid for my expertise.
I’ve spent decades studying with thousands of books, courses, seminars, and expert coaching. I have invested HUGE amounts of money, time, energy and effort into my craft. I’m very generous with people but I can’t be generous at the cost of myself, my business, and my family. Saying NO has allowed me to put me first. For women in particular, this is not easy. Learning to say NO when it’s needed has allowed me to value myself, my time, and my resources. Each person’s lesson in taking back their personal power in this challenge is slightly different.
People ask for things for free because they do not understand the order of the universe and nature. Expecting things for free before you invest for yourself violates natural order, which is exactly why they need the help. Nothing will change until they change and even if you did assist them, it wouldn’t help because they haven’t paid their own dues.
It’s time to get real about how you respond when people ask for things for free. If you can’t value yourself and your own time NO ONE else will. There are many people who feel entitled to your knowledge for free and many tire kickers who have no skin in the game but just want to be saved. This is not your job in life. It’s unfortunate that a majority of people think that they can be successful without any investment!
I did something this year that I’ve never done before in my business. I said no to trying to compete with Santa and shut down my office for two weeks. My staff and I all took vacation. We gave notice to all of our active clients that we were giving ourselves a break.
I tell you this because even after explaining in massive detail that we were taking a break, I had many people ask for favors during my vacation, knowing I was off, knowing my staff was off and that my office was closed. Frankly, most people are so self-centered that imposing on you for what they want is not unusual, no matter what the timing is, and many are shocked when you say NO.
It amazes me that people have no qualms about asking for your time, hard earned and paid-for wisdom, research, or any information that will take your time and effort to supply (and then these same people often don’t give you credit when they use your materials).
Users want time, resources, advice, and help, but very few are willing to put any monetary value on the knowledge and information and don’t want to pay for it. Ironically, before I learned to say NO, I had helped a number of people, and when I asked for return favors, they responded with a full price quote for their work. They forgot the favor I gave them so when I needed advice, they wanted to charge me. Wow, that was a wake up call for me.
The truth is, most of us don’t really have time problems. Most of us have integrity problems with ourselves. Time is our only true currency, and many people are raised and programmed to believe that we have to conform to the requests, needs, rules and standards of everyone else. Stop giving away your time to those who do not value it.
Here are some SOLUTIONS you may want to incorporate into your life about saying NO! (Excerpted fromThe Entrepreneur’s Guide to Banishing Time and Energy Vampires–NOW ON SALE!…scroll down below the newsletter to find out more about it or click Here)
- You have 24 hours a day, 168 hours a week, but I want you to think of time as being perishable. It can’t be saved and it can’t be stored. You have to use it productively and wisely on your own life, business, and priorities. Reward yourself for saying NO to any activities that do not feel right to you.
- Craft a standard reply for your staff to send to people who request your services for free so when people cross boundaries and for time you charge for, you can send them to a calendar or web page to set up a formal appointme nt where it states your fees and availability.
- Set up a page on your site that explains how you’d love to help them, what your policy is on free time, and the link to invest in paid coaching sessions.
- On free days write booked Personal on your calendar so when people ask you for something you know is out of your boundaries say: I checked my calendar and that time is booked. You are telling the truth. You booked that time for YOU.
- Listen to your Intuition. We all know intuitively when a “NO” is the right response. Listening to that inner knowing provides us with the power to live our purpose in life.
- Give yourself TIME to think about any request before responding. I have a 24 hour rule in my office. I don’t respond until I have had time to think or feel on it.
- Recognize Energy vampires. Don’t judge them, just think of them as Young Souls. If you can, steer them in a good direction by recommending a book, course, or another re source (besides you) to allow them to learn or acquire the knowledge they requested.
In conclusion: You must have the integrity with yourself to give yourself permission to realize that it’s only you signing the check for you at the end of the week. It’s only you being responsible for what you manifest, the security you create, how you provide for yourself. You can only do that by controlling your energy and time.
Instead of succumbing to the wants and needs of others, remember that time is your only true currency. Instead of conforming to the requests, the rules, and the standards of everyone else, do something different for yourself for 2014!
Lee Milteer is an internationally known Performance & Productivity Coach, TV Personality, and Speaker who has counseled and trained over a million people throughout her career. Lee is the founder of the Millionaire Smarts® Coaching Program and is also a best-selling author of educational resources like Success is An Inside Job and Overcoming Unproductive Behaviors. Find out more and sign up for no-cost success resources at www.milteer.com.