I don’t know about you but the holidays can have me bouncing from glee to dread. And the more I thought about what the holiday experience the more I saw how we can feel schizophrenic during the holiday because it brings out the BEST in us along with all our NEEDINESS.
I see three areas that can create crazy making moments
2. Holiday Trauma
3. Healthy Conscious Pleasure/Fun vs Unconscious self-sabotage
Whatever holiday you celebrate, at this time of the year, spending money will create some form of stress for you, whether you have it or not. Because we have feelings that are connected to our beliefs about who we are relative to our savings, debt and income. We will feel stressed thinking about what presents to buy people, travel expenses, and food expenses… and what that means for our savings or debt, And if you don’t have enough you will then start criticizing yourself as “not being good enough” or/and blaming someone else in your life for being in this situation.
Because the Christmas season has been so commercialized we start feeling the stress related to money as soon as the Christmas music starts playing after Halloween. And unconsciously this builds and starts showing up in our life as little self -sabotaging moments.
Along with the money stress are the extra “have to do” high expectations we add to our already busy lives, such as decorating, entertaining, traveling, spending time with uncomfortable family members or friends and/or being social when you’re not in the mood…etc.
Now counter that money and “have to do” stress with the excitement and playfulness of your inner child who remembers good feelings around receiving presents, eating sweets, special gatherings, baking goodies, playing in the snow, caroling, family traditions, shopping, giving presents, holiday smells, and volunteering to help others…etc.
Or you may have traumatic memories of the holidays with your family that compounded with your money worries rocks the jingle out of any celebratory cell in your body. You dread the holidays!
This roller coaster ride of feeling good and then feeling broken all within moments of each other makes us feel like we are CRAZY and overwhelms us.
So what do we do when we are stressed with Money Issues, High Expectations, Trauma, and Overwhelm?
We find ways to cope. Most of us haven’t been taught how to cope in a healthy manner, so we go unconsciously to the easiest way that we either learned from our parents or we created in childhood.
A coping mechanism is something we do to make ourselves feel “ok or better” when we don’t feel “ok” emotionally, physically, spiritually and mentally.
Some unconscious coping examples are:
- drugs – self medicating
- sexual addiction or sex to feel something, not love making
- shopping without purpose or need
- acting out-blowing up-projected anger, blaming
- creating drama, pulling others in as distraction or entertainment
- leaving our body… I call this going dumb and numb (spacing out or taking flight)
- with-draw or hide out
would allow natural healthy coping mechanism for you?
Create with Pleasure, Connection and Play in mind & heart!