Why ignoring your Soul’s Expression will Kill your Authentic Self
One day I found myself with tears running down my cheeks on the plane ride home to Santa Barbara, reading Red Hot and Holy by Sera Beak. (Ladies, I highly recommend reading it.) While reading about her mystical journey, I contemplated my own divine journey of the last 10 years. I had not thought of those years as my sacred or mystical quest and yet it was. A voice deep inside me said I had to change or die, Yes, it really was that dramatic. I knew something had to change dramatically or my soul, my spirit, would die. I didn’t realize I was following the voice of my soul, I just knew that my marriage of 24 years and New England’s energy were no longer aligned with who I was and it was time to move on.
(This is not the place to share the whole story of leaving my marriage because it is not the point of this message. If you are interested in that story here is a link to my chapter in the book Falling Into Place: A Midlife Journey.)
This blog is about the fact that, whether or not you realize it now, you are already on your Soul’s quest and the sooner you become aware of that, the better.
You were taught to listen to others instead of your inner voice and you inadvertently learned that it’s not OK or safe to be authentically YOU, both light and shadow. But while you listen to others and try to please them so that they see you and accept you and love you, your soul constantly makes itself and it’s desires known whenever you allow the voice to come through. But you ignore the voice and choose not to listen because you get distracted by the day-to-day challenges and tasks. You drown that voice out with all the thoughts that clutter up your mind. The programming from your childhood that has driven you to do certain things so that you are accepted by your tribe and to get your needs met is so strong, that eventually, when you grow up, you don’t realize that you now have to make your own path for your life based on your soul’s desire.
You have to tune into your soul’s desire to find the path you need to walk on.
As a baby you were encouraged to fit in, not ask for too much, not be any trouble, do as people tell you to do and so on. You were expected to be loyal to your family, culture, religion, government, peers, school or be made to feel abandoned or neglected. Stand out and you may be verbally, physically or mentally abused. So, as a result you learned to make yourself into who you think the most important people in your life want you to be to get your basic needs met.
By middle school you’ve learned to stuff your desires, uniqueness and needs deep down in order to please people and to survive. Eventually you learned to feel and believe that there is something wrong with you because you don’t feel good about yourself. But the reason you don’t feel good about yourself is because your childhood programming obscures the real YOU. No wonder you feel unworthy or not good enough, it’s not YOU. You’re a collection of personalities, rules, beliefs, and expectations you accumulated throughout your childhood!
It’s important that you have compassion for yourself.
As I eventually ‘woke up” and paid attention to my real, true inner voice I realized that I had to overcome that programming and all the blocks that built up that kept me from being my authentic self. I did a lot of reflecting and learning and practicing. It was a lot of work to become the turned-on, non-perfectionist, juicy mess that I am today.
Crying on the plane that day I felt deep compassion, pride and love for myself. Breaking through negative patterns and beliefs, deep hidden vows, guilt and shame took commitment, self reflection, time, consciousness, and investment in mentors and coaches.
It is an ongoing mind, body and spiritual journey to live honestly from the soul. At times it can feel very scary, lonely and confusing. The more I dance with my divine feminine soul, the more I feel a deeper connection to my truth and spirit. But once you uncover your true self, remember that your relationship with your soul is like any relationship, they are a work in progress, constantly changing, constantly needing attention and compassion. Sometimes you don’t want to interact and sometimes you take a long time, engaging in a long, slow dance, feeling into each others moves, and then again there are times where you spend a lot of time learning a new dance. At times it is very painful like my divorce, and other times it’s an orgasmic and freeing experience to feel my pure aliveness. I could have never imagined my life becoming as expansive and rich as it is right now with the limited programming I used to run on.
Now I know I don’t have to settle and you don’t have to settle either!
My life took off when I started letting my Soul express what it desired and I broke free from the old life routines. I advanced my life dancing skills with hot new music and fresh moves. I desire for you to experience your Soul’s expressions in all your fullest grace and glory on your life’s dance stage. I want for you all to appreciate your brilliance and embody what you came here to be, making a difference for humanity and for our planet. Here is one way I can help you if you are not ready for any one-on-one sessions:
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Love, Live and Matter!