It is important that I address this with them, and some of the work regarding romantic relationships will be powerful for them in helping address everything else. I want to share with you what I did to find my love and the steps I guide my clients through to deepen their current relationships, call in their love or to find out why it won’t ever work so they can move on.
To start this process I help my clients become aware that they are the designers. Like I talked about in Romantic Comedy I, each one of us is creating our life movie in our mind before it becomes a reality. What we put our attention on over and over, whether conscious of it or not, is what we are currently creating in our life.
I’d like to invite you to imagine that your life is the making of a movie based on true events and that you are responsible for everything in this movie that has to do with YOU.
You are the
Each role is filled by you or someone you put in charge. When creating a real movie, the director will look at the “dailies” every end of the day and evaluate which scenes where good or bad, which to keep and which to mark for alternative takes. Once you have this awareness that you can look at your life and see which scenes went well, which ones to keep or which ones to re-write, you can set about changing anything you want to.
1. Give the casting director (subconscious mind) the description of your leading man/lady, so they know what they are looking for.
What are the qualities, attributes, appearance, personality, characteristics, values, interests, etc. of your future love? Be as specific as you want to be.
Here are some examples: loving, takes good care of themselves, likes nature, adventurous, respects women/men, good sense of humor, likes/loves themselves, has a good relationship with money, compassionate, likes to be touched, can be intimate, fun, likes sex, sexy, tall/short, curvy/athletic, energetic/laid back, loving and shows it, loving and says it, grounding, leader, hairy/not hairy, good communicator, makes me feel like I matter, wants children/doesn’t want children, committed, trustworthy, authentic, giving, big heart, passionate about what they do for a living, free, religious/spiritual/atheist, ethnic group, handsome/beautiful.
2. Co-Star Auditions and your deal breakers.
Make a list of characteristics that you wouldn’t have anything to do with. You will use this information during your co-star auditions! Say “NO” if any deal breaker comes up in auditions and save yourself time and energy. While you may be prone to overlook those deal breakers in the beginning, deal breakers will eventually become part of the reason the relationship won’t work. Most importantly, this energy takes you out of your movie.
Some deal breaker examples are that s/he’s disrespectful, has bad teeth, no manners, is a bad-boy/girl, has addictions, has no job and bad debt, is a gold digger, is unhappy in his/her work, doesn’t have the same approach to animals or children or that children or animals are more important than your relationship, s/he is a taker but not a giver.
3. Write the Romantic Love Script of your life together.
Keep in mind that you will always update and edit your movie as you live your life and make new choices and grow. Continue to review and evaluate your ‘dailies.’
What is your relationship like? Where is there passion, creativity or practicality? What do you do together? How do you treat each other? What is it like and how do you feel when you are together? What do you desire to get and give to this relationship? Where do you go in this relationship? What do you create together? How grateful are you for this person and appreciative is this person for you?
4. BE the STAR in this love story.
What are the qualities, characteristics and attributes you desire for this lifetime role of your romantic partner? What is your partner looking for in you as their Co-STAR? What is your desired outcome in your movie? How are you responsible for the results you want? How are your current feelings, beliefs and habits congruent or not with this romantic love script?
Take stock that you may not have met your love partner yet because there is inner and outer work you have to deal with first. Be honest as you are answering some very important questions. Do you love yourself? If not, you won’t allow someone to love you, because you don’t believe you are worthy of it. Time to do your inner love work!
If you are looking for someone out of fear, to combat loneliness or to make you feel loved, safe and secure because you can’t create this yourself, you are fooling yourself. No one can make you feel something you don’t feel. So do your inner work now and save yourself time and pain before you are inviting your love partner into your life. If you want someone who is healthy and energetic, and you are not, time to get yourself inspired to be who you really want to be. Refocus your mind and actions so you are in alignment with your own values!
If the result you want is to be happy, BE happy now. Your happiness now will create momentum for more happiness in the future. Your feelings are your responsibility!
Have a “reality check-in” from your partner’s imagined and current perspective. Identify where you need to grow, lighten up or clear up past programming, beliefs and habits that are keeping you from being seen by the one that is also seeking you. As you clear up this old programmed energy your life force energy naturally will bubble up and expand. You will become more charismatic and compelling to others with similar energy.
Play your movie in your mind over and over, feeling the feelings and gratitude for this opportunity to make your movie and all the love that comes from it. Then let it go and live your life as if the movie is happening now in every moment. Take steps and actions that are necessary to make this movie. Get in shape, get happy, travel, fall in love with yourself, make friends, go on adventures, and edit the script when needed. Interact with the cast and crew, receive support, ask for what you need and desire, rewrite the script when needed, learn and grow, imagine your co-star so clearly you can really feel him or her, and get out and let yourself be seen.
We are all in different places of awareness and growth in our lives. Relationships can be loving and messy work at the same time, so be patient and compassionate with yourself and those you’ve cast in your movie. Reread my article on perfectionist qualities or follow one of my Tappings on Perfectionism if you struggle with this part.
Your movie and relationships are very dynamic because of your ability to make new choices at any moment and adjust the results to benefit you both. By taking responsibility for the relationship you are empowered to create whatever you desire. There is immense learning for both ‘actors’ as well as loads of fun. Don’t be afraid to get dirty, juicy and messy as that is what makes for a colorful and entertaining life.
Remember, use your voice and follow what inspires you.
Here’s to living your turned ON life,
Your juicy mess, Marilyn