My clients asked me to create steps for them to follow to override their unconscious and negative reactions with people in everyday situations. They want to stop feeling out of control with their angry, resentful, and disappointment with other people.
I’m going to show you 4 steps to STOP your over reactions in relationships. This will help erase a lot of unwanted stress and anxiety. These 4 steps will help you take responsibility for your actions and become more compassionate and loving towards yourself and others.
Here are a couple of things that are important for you to
know in order to foster more love and compassion
for yourself during this process of change:
- Your inner child is directing most of your current adult life regarding relationships, money, how you feel about yourself, what you believe is possible… I know it’s hard to believe but it is true! You are making decisions from your past. This keeps you from living in the present moment, dulls your creativity and keeps you playing small.
- We learned how to cope from our family and peers by either modeling them or rejecting their way of being.An example: If one of your parents is an alcoholic, you can choose alcohol as your coping tool or you may say as a kid, “I will never be like them” and pick something else. As a child you may choose to focus on being the helper, or the “good boy or girl” as a coping skill to try and make life better which later keeps you from facing your own challenges and feelings, because you’ve made other people’s needs more important than your own.
- Most of us have not been taught good communication skills. We weren’t taught how to set healthy boundaries, ask for what we desire and need, how to cope in order to create new desired results.
- Most of us have not been taught to be loving and compassionate towards ourselves.
- The adult you and your inner child are unconsciously seeking to get your emotional, physical, mental, and spiritual needs meet from the current people in your life.
So you get mad at them when they aren’t giving you what you unconsciously want from them and they have no idea what they are not giving you.
Examples of needs: to feel validation, respect, love, trust, empowerment, to be seen and heard, valued, cherished, safe and secure, connection…etc.
What I want you to take away today is that you are not a victim. As an adult, what happened to you as a child can be healed and you can change and live an extraordinary life!
4 Steps To STOP Your Over Reactions
in Relationships at Work, at Home, at Play…
Take these 4 steps by answering the questions for each step. Each answer will give you valuable information, as well as, lead you to a positive outcome. Become familiar with your patterns. See how your reactions are related to a habit and beliefs. Realize you can make new choices to get new results. This will empower you to create new conscious actions that feels safer, authentic, manageable, lovable, compassionate, fun, connected and desirable.
After the 4 steps I have an example for you.
When you find yourself in a situation where you are feeling triggered by something that just happened and you’re pointing fingers, judging, ready to blow up or do a major stuffing of emotions, take the next 4 steps and answer the questions.
Take a couple deep breathes and answer
What am I thinking and feeling now? Journal if you can or later
What is the meaning I’m putting on this situation? Am I making myself a victim? Am I making myself wrong or broken? Do I feel I’m not good enough to have what I want? Hopeless? Life and death? Not safe? ETC….
Journal if you can or later
Is it true? For a fact? Yes or No Are you projecting onto them what you are thinking and feeling? Journal if you can or later
How can I take care of myself right now and change this situation for a positive outcome for all concerned? What is the end result I’d like to create? How can I create this outcome with grace, love, compassion for them and myself?
You’re on a date, It turns out you had an exhausting day and are really tired. It’s not easy for you to be on a date in the first place and you’re not your best when your tired. You’re gut tells you to cancel but you don’t want to look bad to this guy by canceling, so you preserver.
The guy likes to poke you jokingly and he is not hearing you say you’re not in the mood for this behavior. Because he is not honoring your request his actions become irritating. You have a second drink, knowing you shouldn’t, but it’s going to help you tolerate this situation.
You start criticizing him because he won’t stop poking and mellow out. Now you resent him for getting you upset and angry. You interrupt his actions as disrespectful, meaning you’re not lovable. This then means, you’ll never find a good man. It’s hopeless for you to find someone to love you. You can’t cope with feeling these feelings any longer so you drown them out with alcohol. Drunk you now can pay him back with your sarcasism and shame him later in a text message.
The next day you feel terrible, ashamed and hopeless from this cycle.
The solution to the problem would have been for her to take care of herself and reschedule the date when she had more energy.
Taking care of yourself is key! Why are you making this man you don’t know more important than you?
Let me know how the 4 steps to STOP your over reactions worked for you.
Please share 4 Steps to STOP Your Over Reactions, if you found this blogpost valuable! Thank you!